Navigating the Dark Days: The Unseen Struggles of Chasing a Creative Dream
Being an artist is a deeply fulfilling calling, but on days like today, it can feel like the heaviest burden. It’s not the art itself, not the creating, not the music, but the stamina it takes to manage the logistics and hardships that are so often part of the artistic path. Today, the weight of that path feels like it’s crushing me. I’m 36, with a five-figure debt, and I’ve made the difficult choice to put my creative vision over dreams of a family and conventional security. And while I’m deeply passionate and dedicated, on days like this, that vision seems almost foolish.
I find myself exhausted, tired of feeling like I’m chasing a dream that only leaves me further from stability. These feelings come in waves; some days, I’m certain that my path will lead to something meaningful. On others, like today, I feel like I’m teetering on the edge of giving up.
When Financial Struggles Threaten the Creative Spirit
"How am I going to pay my bills?" The question loops in my mind, a dull, nagging refrain that follows me even as I practice or create. I recently made the choice to become an official freelancer, and with that, I lost the safety net of any government support. Every step forward, in pursuit of music, leaves me a little more exposed. And it isn’t as though I haven’t tried to juggle it all. I spent months holding down an office job while hustling in every spare moment to build my creative work – until it led to burnout and a breakdown last fall. After that, I knew that trying to live in both worlds wasn’t sustainable.
HUSTLE LEADING TO BURN OUT
I burnt out in autumn 2023 from trying to do both: hustling an office job and building my creative, soul-based business. I had a breakdown in November, leaving me devastated. It took five months to feel like myself again.
I finally quit that job, feeling liberated but also facing a new reality: how would I make ends meet without any consistent income? Now, I find myself in survival mode, scanning for online jobs and feeling suffocated at the thought of being tethered to a screen again. On days like today, when the financial pressure hits hard, I can’t help but feel like pursuing music was a fool’s errand.
The Weight of Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is one of the heaviest aspects of the artist’s path. My musical skills are still growing, and while I have come a long way, I can’t help but feel like a beginner compared to the musicians I admire. Those artists make it seem effortless, and there’s a deep-seated part of me that wonders if I’ll ever reach that level of skill and confidence.
FEELING DELUSIONAL
On days like this, following the artist’s path seems like the silliest, most delusional thing I could ever do. I feel like I’m an imposter, as my musical skills (due to lack of any professional training) are far behind those I look up to.
And yet, I know that to give up now would mean letting go of the one thing that feels like my life’s purpose. This journey isn’t about surface-level achievements or external validation. It’s about realizing my potential as an artist, bringing my vision to life, and showing up for myself. But, I admit, days like today make it nearly impossible to see a way forward.
When Self-Doubt Overwhelms, Take It One Day at a Time
When we hit these low points, it’s important to remember that they’re part of the journey. Just because today feels heavy doesn’t mean tomorrow won’t feel lighter. The art, the practice, the purpose – these things may not provide financial security, but they offer something deeply meaningful. On days like today, it’s crucial to take a step back, breathe, and focus on small, manageable goals. Here are a few things I’ve found helpful on days when I’m on the edge of giving up:
1) HONOR YOUR EXHAUSTION
Exhaustion and burn out are signals that something needs to change. Give yourself permission to rest, even if it feels counterproductive. By acknowledging the need for rest, you’re preserving the energy that will carry you through.
2) REFRAME WHAT SUCCESS MEANS
Success in the traditional sense may feel out of reach, but remember that your art is also a success. The process itself, and the courage it takes to pursue it, is something to honor. This path is not about reaching a set destination, but about growing and evolving along the way.
3) FOCUS ON SMALL WINS
When the bigger picture feels overwhelming, concentrate on small wins. Completing a new piece, sharing a part of your process, or even practicing for ten minutes can create a sense of forward momentum.
4) VISUALIZE THE LONG GAME
When I’m struggling, I remember something that creativity coach Amie McNee talks about – “zooming out.” She encourages artists to look at the journey from a wider perspective, like viewing a map from above. Instead of getting lost in the struggles of today, visualize where this path will lead. McNee’s work, especially her Instagram page @inspiredtowrite, has been a guiding light in learning to appreciate the ups and downs along the way. (Over the years I’ve spoken to many artists and musicians about the concept of looking at the big picture. One especially influential talk I had with a busker, back in 2020. Check out this blog post to dive deeper into this subject: What a Busker Taught Me About Playing the Long Game in My Creative Journey.)
Finding Your Own Balance Between Vision and Reality
The path to realizing a creative vision is filled with moments where we feel torn between the dream and the reality. Building a life around a creative passion – especially one that doesn’t yet pay the bills – is a challenge that requires us to consistently revisit our motivations, recalibrate our goals, and adapt. It means letting go of the notion that things have to look a certain way or happen within a specific timeline. Some seasons of our journey may call for more practicality, and that’s okay. Balancing a creative calling with the realities of life is not a sign of failure, but of resilience.
There’s no easy answer here, no single way to balance both worlds, but holding the vision while adjusting to the moment’s needs is what ultimately keeps the creative path sustainable. Embracing this balance isn’t about giving up on the dream, but about finding ways to keep it alive while allowing for flexibility. In the end, it’s about knowing that each step, big or small, contributes to a journey that is uniquely your own.
Reflecting on Resilience
"I am coming to the conclusion that if I need to make a choice, I will choose realizing this creative vision and manifesting my potential as an artist over having children and a family of my own. I feel so passionate and dedicated to this path."
This statement holds the heart of the journey: the willingness to sacrifice for a vision so deeply rooted in your soul. But even the strongest passion doesn’t exempt us from days of doubt and exhaustion. There’s a necessary resilience that we, as artists, must build within ourselves. When the hard days come – and they inevitably will – we need to draw on that inner resilience to keep going, even if all we can manage is a small step.
Building Resilience on the Hard Days
On days when the weight of it all feels like too much, a few small routines can help shift my perspective. It might be taking five minutes to breathe deeply, reconnecting to the music I love, or writing out my thoughts – however raw and unfiltered. These practices don’t solve the bigger issues, but they offer a way to feel grounded and more present. Breaking down big challenges into micro-goals also helps. When I focus on one small task I can complete, the weight lifts just enough to keep me moving.
These are the moments where I remind myself that resilience isn’t about doing everything perfectly; it’s about finding small ways to keep going, especially when giving up feels easier. We don’t need to create a musical masterpiece on a dark day. This would be far too much to ask of ourselves. What is important, is that we create at all - even if it’s 10 minutes. You can trust, that in the long run, those 10 minutes will make a difference.
The Beauty in the Struggle
If you’ve reached the end of this post and you’re feeling even the smallest sense of solidarity, then you’re on the right path. You’re not doing anything wrong. Pursuing an artistic dream will always have its hard days, but those hard days are part of what makes the journey meaningful.
TEARS & CHOCOLATE
I know there will be days when the burden doesn’t weigh so heavily. But today, it is especially heavy, and there is no space to breathe. Just a lot of tears to cry and chocolate to eat.
Tomorrow may be different. Tomorrow, the burden may feel lighter. And in the meantime, be gentle with yourself. Rest, create, and know that it’s okay to live in this in-between space. And as you continue forward, remember that each difficult day brings you one step closer to where you’re meant to be.
Conclusion: The Power of Perspective
Days like today feel impossible, but they’re part of the journey. The challenges don’t mean you’re failing – they mean you’re human. Embracing the creative path means accepting the highs and the lows, the growth and the setbacks. If you’re feeling this, know that you’re not alone. Countless artists have walked, and continue to walk, this path. Keep taking it one day at a time.
And remember, there will be days when you’re reminded of why you chose this life. The days of connection, of deep fulfillment, of pure creative flow – those days don’t erase the struggles, but they make them worthwhile.
P.S. If you’re looking for a community of creatives navigating similar challenges, consider signing up for my newsletter. It’s a space where I share the raw truth of this journey and offer insights that help artists like us keep going.
P.P.S. If you’re in need of a grounding resource, check out my free e-book, The Creative Musician’s Guide to Embracing Imperfection. It’s a guide I created with beginners and artists in mind, focusing on overcoming self-doubt and navigating the obstacles we face on the path of growth.