What Can I Do If I Don’t Like How My Own Voice Sounds? 5 Tips

If you’ve ever listened to a recording of your voice and cringed, you’re not alone. Many people feel uncomfortable with the sound of their own voice—even those of us who use it regularly. I’ll admit, even after singing for years in front of hundreds of people, I still have moments where hearing my voice catches me off guard. In this post, we’ll explore why this happens and offer some insights that might help if you don’t love the sound of your own voice.

This discomfort can be especially tough if you’re a musician or someone who wants to use your voice more intentionally. Why is it so much easier to forgive ourselves for mistakes on an instrument like the guitar? We might miss a few notes, but we can still play in front of others, enjoy ourselves, and move on. With our voice, though, every unclean pitch makes us cringe. We fear we sound squeaky on high notes or, worse, find our voice overall annoying.

On my own musical journey, I’ve struggled with many things. But perhaps my biggest challenge has been learning to love my own voice. In this article, I want to share some perspectives that have helped me move from criticizing my voice for what it lacks to accepting its uniqueness, and ultimately, loving how it reflects my soul (spoiler: that’s what your voice truly is—an expression of your soul in sound, but we’ll get to that soon).

Let’s start with the most important shift in perspective: Understanding that your voice is your built-in instrument, one without a return policy.

The Voice as Your Built-In Instrument

Your voice isn’t just an instrument – it’s a built-in instrument, intimately connected to who you are. It’s more personal than any external instrument, like a guitar or piano, because you can’t swap it out. If you don’t like the sound of a nylon-string classical guitar, you can always go to the music shop, and buy a steal string acoustic instead. But with your voice, there’s no music shop that will let you exchange it for a new model. You are, quite literally, stuck with the vocal cords you’ve been given. An alto won’t magically become a soprano, and that’s okay.

Because your voice is so intertwined with your identity, it’s easy to take any issues with it personally. Unlike a guitar, which you can pick up and put down, your voice is you. When you sing or speak, you’re expressing more than just sound; you’re expressing your inner self. That’s why it stings when your voice doesn’t match the sound you hear in your head – it’s not just about the technical aspects like tone or pitch, but about how you perceive yourself and how you think others perceive you.

Your voice is your most authentic instrument, and it’s a direct reflection of your identity. The key to becoming comfortable with your voice lies in accepting that it’s part of who you are, and like any instrument, it can be nurtured, shaped, and developed. Learning to love your voice is as much about self-acceptance as it is about technique.

In this post, we’ll dive into why you may not like how your voice sounds, explore how your voice is tied to your sense of self, and offer practical steps to help you grow more comfortable with your voice, ultimately using it with confidence.

THE ALCHEMY OF MUSIC

When you stop trying to control or fix every detail of your voice, you create space to embrace its raw, authentic beauty.

Building a Relationship with Your Voice: Like Falling in Love

Learning to love your voice is much like nurturing a relationship with a new lover. In the beginning, it can feel awkward, uncertain, and even a bit intimidating. You might be overly critical, noticing every little flaw, every misstep, or imperfection, just like when you’re still getting to know someone new. But with time, patience, and openness, you begin to soften. You learn to appreciate the unique tone, the quirks, and the qualities that make your voice unlike anyone else’s – just as you would with a lover.

In any relationship, true connection comes from vulnerability, from allowing yourself to be seen and heard fully, without the need for perfection. The same applies to your voice. When you stop trying to control or fix every detail, you create space to embrace its raw, authentic beauty. With time, trust grows. You stop focusing on what you wish were different and instead start celebrating the way your voice expresses your emotions, your soul, and your story.

As with a lover, the relationship deepens when you stop striving for some idealized version and allow yourself to love the real, imperfect, yet powerful voice you already have. It becomes less about how it sounds to others and more about how it feels to you – about how it allows you to express your truth.

In the next section, we’ll look at some practical tips on how to build and nurture that relationship with your voice, so you can move from self-doubt to self-acceptance, and eventually, to love.

THE ALCHEMY OF MUSIC

Stop striving for some idealized version and allow yourself to love the real, imperfect, yet powerful voice you already have.

What You Can Do to Love Your Voice

If you don’t love the way your voice sounds right now, don’t worry – there are practical steps you can take to become more comfortable with it. Just like learning any other instrument, developing your voice is a journey that requires patience, practice, and self-compassion. Let’s dive into some key ways you can build a stronger, more loving relationship with your voice.

1. Record Yourself Regularly

One of the most effective ways to become comfortable with your voice is to record yourself regularly. I know this might sound daunting, but hear me out: Listening to recordings of your own voice may feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s a powerful tool for growth. Over time, it helps you separate the sound of your voice from the internal perception you’ve been used to, allowing you to become more objective.

• Start small: Begin with short clips of yourself speaking, reading, or singing, and listen with curiosity, not judgment. Pay attention to what you like, not just what you don’t. You might even surprise yourself with certain qualities that stand out.

• Focus on progress: With consistent practice, you’ll start to notice gradual improvements – your tone may become clearer and more intentional, your pitch more accurate, and your confidence will grow. By regularly recording and listening back, you’ll become familiar with your voice, and it will start to feel less foreign over time.

Tip: Try to listen back with a focus on curiosity, as if you were discovering someone else’s voice. This can help you appreciate the nuances of your own sound without harsh judgment.

LISTENING TO YOUR RECORDINGS

Try to listen back with a focus on curiosity, as if you were discovering someone else’s voice.

2. Embrace Vocal Exercises

Vocal exercises are essential for building control, flexibility, and strength in your voice. Think of them as the scales or warm-ups you’d do for any instrument. They allow you to push your voice’s boundaries while also improving its quality.

• Breath control: Your voice starts with your breath. Strong breath control allows you to sustain notes longer and gives you more control over dynamics. Practice deep breathing exercises that help you manage airflow and create a solid foundation for your voice.

• Humming and lip trills: These gentle exercises warm up your vocal cords and help you explore the resonance in your voice. Humming is also great for feeling the vibrations and flow of your voice in different parts of your body, which can help with tone production.

• Vocal range exercises: Scales, arpeggios, and interval exercises can help you extend your vocal range, improving your ability to hit both low and high notes. The more you explore your range, the more flexibility and confidence you’ll gain.

Tip: If you’re unsure where to start, YouTube has countless free vocal warm-up tutorials. Commit to doing at least 10 minutes a day, and over time, you’ll notice real improvements in your vocal control and confidence.

3. Change Your Mindset: Your Voice is Uniquely Yours

One of the greatest obstacles to loving your voice is comparison. We often wish our voice sounded more like someone else’s, but this mindset can prevent you from fully embracing your own sound. The truth is, your voice is uniquely yours, and that’s exactly what makes it valuable.

• Celebrate your voice: Take time to appreciate the qualities that make your voice stand out. Maybe it’s the richness of your speaking tone, the emotion that comes through when you sing, or even the clarity of your pitch. No one else has a voice quite like yours.

• Practice self-compassion: Shift your inner dialogue from criticism to kindness. Instead of thinking, "I wish I sounded different," try thinking, "This is my voice, and it’s evolving every day." Remind yourself that being a vocalist is a journey, and your voice will naturally improve over time.

Tip: Try singing songs you feel emotionally connected to, as this will help you feel more at ease with your voice. When you connect with the meaning behind the lyrics, your voice becomes a powerful vessel for that expression, and you’ll focus less on “sounding perfect” and more on conveying emotion.

Tip II: If you sing in front of others, consider keeping a special notebook where you collect compliments and positive feedback from your listeners. Be sure to highlight the surprising compliments—those insights about unique qualities in your voice that you may not have noticed yourself but others have recognized and appreciated.

4. Work With a Vocal Coach

If you’re serious about improving your vocal technique or confidence, working with a vocal coach can be a game-changer. I held off on working with a coach for years, thinking I needed to be "good enough" before getting professional help. But looking back, I wish I had started sooner – working with a coach could have helped me fall in love with my voice a lot earlier.

• Individualized feedback: A vocal coach can help you identify specific areas of your voice that need development, whether it’s pitch, tone, projection, or control. They’ll give you exercises that are tailored to your needs, helping you improve in ways you might not have noticed on your own.

• Confidence-building: Sometimes, the biggest hurdle to loving your voice is psychological. A good vocal coach will offer encouragement and constructive feedback, helping you build the confidence to explore your voice’s full range without fear or judgment.

Tip: If working with a coach feels intimidating, consider starting with group classes or self-taught online courses to ease into the experience.

5. Sing and Speak More Often

The best way to strengthen your relationship with your voice is to use it more often. Whether you’re singing in the shower, practicing in the car, or speaking up more during conversations, the more you use your voice, the more familiar and comfortable it will feel.

• Practice makes comfort: Like anything, the more you practice, the more natural and comfortable it becomes. As you become more familiar with your voice, you’ll start to embrace its sound rather than resist it.

• Sing for joy: Don’t forget to enjoy the process! Sing along with the radio, hum your favorite tunes, or belt out a song while driving. The more you sing simply for the joy of it, the easier it will be to overcome self-consciousness and let your voice flow freely.

Tip: Treat your voice like a friend – one you spend time with regularly, appreciate for its uniqueness, and celebrate for its ability to express who you are. The more time you invest, the deeper that bond will grow.

SING FOR JOY

The more you sing simply for the joy of it, the easier it will be to overcome self-consciousness

Conclusion: Embrace Your Built-In Instrument

Your voice is a reflection of your self, and learning to love it is a process that goes beyond improving technique – it’s about embracing the instrument that is inherently you. Remember that no one else has your exact voice, and that’s something to be celebrated.

Whether you’re a musician, a singer, or simply someone who wants to feel more confident speaking, your voice deserves to be heard. With consistent practice, self-compassion, and a willingness to explore its full potential, you can grow to love the sound of your own voice and use it with confidence.

So, if you don’t love your voice right now, be patient. Start small, practice often, and remember that your voice – your built-in instrument – can become one of your greatest strengths.

P.S. Check out the Online Singing Circle

If you’re looking for a safe, supportive way to connect with your voice, I invite you to join my Online Singing Circle, which I host once a month for 90 minutes. It’s a fantastic opportunity to explore your voice in a relaxed, private setting – just like singing in your car, none of the other participants will hear you!

It’s a perfect space to discover the beautiful qualities of your unique voice while learning medicine songs that can deepen your connection to music and self-expression. Whether you’re a beginner or experienced, this circle is about celebrating your voice and using it as a tool for your personal growth.